I don't know much, but what little I know is about the difference between what we say we will do when people are listening and what we actually do when no one's around.  I believe the former are called New Year's resolutions as in:  I promise to finally quit smoking (for real), I swear I will get to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I will not eat even a single grape (like Oprah says) after 8PM, and especially no more junk food.

The problem with resolutions is that they are like keeping a secret because in the history of mankind, no one has actually ever managed to do either of them properly. With a secret, ultimately it will see the light of day. It may take a year, 50 years, 10 minutes or 5 seconds, but it will get out.  A resolution gets broken in half that time. Let's face it, human beings are quite a fickle bunch.  We make up the most ridiculous excuses for our (in)actions and most dastardly, we keep moving the goal posts - changing the definition of things to justify what we do as often as Donald Trump decides to run for president.

Exhibit A: 
Jill:  Why did you tell Sunita and Taleesa that very important secret that you promised not to tell another living soul?
John:  Don't blame me, you never said if it was a "secret" or a "secret secret".
Jill:  Wa? What do you mean? A secret is a secret.  You promised!
John:  Well, you know, a secret is like, you can tell one or two people and no one gets hurt, but a "secret secret"... that's totally sacred.
Jill: *gobsmacked* Okay, how about we just forget I even know you. Can you keep THAT secret?

We resolve to be better people, to tell our parents that we love them every day, to get a better job so we can quit complaining to our girlfriends how much that woman in accounting is out to get us. But we don't.

We think that guy next door with the washboard abs - you know, the one that looks like Boris Kodjoe and talks the sweet off the honey - well, we resolve to look just like that in six weeks. But we can't.

That fine-looking female at the supermarket deli with legs for days and eyes that give Rihanna a run for her money?  As soon as we finish putting in eight hours at work, squeeze in some overtime, buy groceries, make dinner, do homework with the kids, take out the garbage, feed the dog, make school lunches, take the children to soccer/dance class/cricket/ballet…where was I? Oh yes, as soon as we have all of these minor distractions out of the way, we promise to do 50 sit-ups and go for a 5-mile run. Yeah, sure.

A little known fact through all of this is that for us to keep these resolutions intact, the "us vs. them" thing has got to go.  We shouldn't compare ourselves to anyone else because everyone has their own separate and valuable life experiences that define us. Whatever levels we set for ourselves should be considered an accomplishment, no matter how high or how low.

Washboard man may be a hottie, but he probably cries himself to sleep every night.  Fine-looking female may be behind in her rent because looking good ain't cheap. You never know.

So congratulate yourself with every tiny step you take toward achieving your own personal acceptance and be grateful for small mercies. Let's resolve that we resolve not to resolve and greet 2012 with realistic goals and aspirations.